Arch Enemy of Order

Monday, November 3, 2008

Legalize It!

Yes, folks. I do believe the time has come to legalize that secret love of ours, the one we've all had to hide from our parents, teachers, and policemen for years. The very reason we have so many of our friends. All of this red tape and political nonsense has to stop on banning this wonderful thing. It's time to legalize cannibalism.

Think of a world with no hunger, only friends who are willing to give an arm and a leg to be with you. With this wonderful innovation, your girlfriend might give anything to really be part of your family. There are so many positives to this diet, it comes as a shock to me that so few people have given it much thought.

To begin the process, we could start a government-run program in which the tissues of a person are used after they are deceased. All that would be needed is an extra check-box on your driver's license indicating "Tissue Donor" directly underneath "Organ Donor." The limited number of people checking this box would result in rather low supply, but this first step is crucial to the greater good of the people.

While organs would be moved out to hospitals across the country, the limited quantities of consumables could be shipped to specialist restaurants throughout the united states. The profits from these actions would go mainly to funding medical research and organ transplants, to keep inter-departmental bureaucracy as minimal as possible. My estimations predict that the business would be most popular and profitable in California, based on current demographics and mentalities. Even so, the item would be somewhat of a delicacy, prepared only for those who are themselves prepared.

The meal may be of great interest to vegetarians and vegans, who have chosen not to eat meat or by-products on the basis of the unethical treatment of farmed animals. Because those who participate in this post-mortem project have given written consent, the vegan community would take comfort in the fact that they are not breaking any ethical boundaries.

The exquisite taste of human flesh does not come without drawbacks, however. The tissue would have to be screened extensively for blood-borne illnesses, pathogens, and other various diseases. Of particular interest may be viral infections. These may be more difficult to screen for, but only those with strict medical records would be allowed to be assimilated into the project.

A few years later, once the social stigma behind eating another human's flesh is dissolved, we can move on to more widespread forms of consumption. We could put into effect a more extensive system, which would mandate each person over 18 to put their name in a list to be tested, prepared, and consumed at the point of their death. The process of cannibalism will be commonplace, and the problem of world hunger can be cured indefinitely.